21-08-2012

Is beginning to more be and more difficult for GF and me, her boy's have realised there is something more than just friendship between us, have given her hell, because, as per normal, they think C is fantastic, all I wanted to do yesterday was just hold A, but J was there, so I couldn't. This is all oh so complicated, we have promised ourself's that we won't go that final step, but god, as I said I just want to hold her at times, I know I hold J all the time, but the love with A, may be just as strong, but is oh so different, might it be that,  the love with J started out as Hetero, while part of me remained 'Him', there was alway's that for us, but now, as I become even more Girly, my needs and desires are oh so more Girly too? But, there is no way I want to end things between us, I love J and C oh so completely. What am I going to do.
Most would think, that as I become disatiesfied with guy's, and return to the initial object of my desires, women, I am just flitting back and forth, I wish was oh so simple, I mean, even after all this time, I only just learn the lesbian side of love, and obviousely Sex. Why is it we have the incapacity to understand the openness of non-hetero sex, I know all about the penetrative side of Sex, normal boring hetero style sex, then the openess, relaxed side to lesbian sex, oh god, if male could reach that level of openess, relaxness of Lesbian, would be oh a oh so better relaxed world, I can't say anything about Gay sex, as have never experienced that, never been with a guy, in a gay relationship, have only ever been with a guy, in a standard man/woman thing, I know it may be difficult for so many out there to realise, but then, who said transitioning was easy? 








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