17-11-2016
Just watching another series about Trans Kids, is hard, is making me think about my Child hood, hell I went through at Catterick, I had had first thoughts at Locking, 74-76, about being a female, but realised at an early age, would be unable to be a woman, as was a Male, as far as I knew, would never be one, was watching "Space 1999", dreamt about being the Shape Changer, about converting myself into a woman, and staying so, but, like an idiot, was impossible, that was impossible to turn me into a woman, I oh so knew nothing, that they had been doing GRS's since the 30's-40's, hey, several of the Bond Girls were Trans, the one I love , was the Chopper Pilot, in "Spy Who Loved Me", getting an AA missile straight into her Crotch? one of the girls in "From Russia With Love" was trans. 
   When I was in the mob, as the Regiment moved back to UK, I left the Army, time Served, I never realised till just before I got out, but somebody from 2nd Tanks, that took over from us, in Paderborn, had transferred to Med Corps , had in fact transfered to Med Corps to TRansition, I knew Gay's weren't permitted in the Army, so thought Trans weren't either, OK, so the Army has updated now, permitting Gay's and Lesbians in now. So as far as I knew, they thought of Trans in the same way, as being Gay, but, they had updated their Rules and Regulations, OK, so many Trans are gay, in that oh so many Trans Women are involved with Women, as they were in there male lives, but Trans Men, tend to be Straight, in that Pre-Op, they were involved with women? Oh so many Straight, Normal people, are in fact Gayer than trans?
    Worst part is, I feel I may in fact need to leave J and C, it's not that I don't love them, I always will, but I feel that I am holding her back, she won't make love to me, a woman, but still loves me, I don't want to hurt her, by not allowing her Freedom, I feel that she is happy being with me, someone that will never force her, unable to force her, but I still need that physical interaction, as well as the emotional strength, that she offers me, in abundance, I will always love her, but by staying with her, am infact hurting myself, and it is screwing me up, oh so much








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