Thursday 30 August 2012
30-08-2012
Been one of those day's, again, GP was finaly in contact with CX, again, only Iffy this time, not Seal, so she told GP the totaly wrong dosage too, she claimed was back to 4mg, that's going back 9 months, what happened to 6 and 8, and also the fact that am on Decapeptil too, shouldn't that give a hint that am on higher strength hormones. Am so going to be shitting myself, so don't want Testosterone to kick in in again, to become 'Him' again, I'm happy as Amanda, everybody preferes me as her, 'He' is a grade A arsehole, so don't want that life again, but, at same time, maybe I should be on a lower strength, maybe not handling the hormonal surges so well, maybe thats why things with GF were so difficult, but at the same time, oh so fantastic, maybe we should see about J getting coil removed, maybe thats part of her problem? that she is in effect, in hormonal withdrawl? maybe I would need those second hand hormonal surges too, maybe that was what I was suffering when GF wasn't there, Hormonal Withdrawel?
Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Tuesday 28 August 2012
28-08-2012
It has been one of those weeks, to cap it all off, GF needs some time, none of us had any idea, we were waiting for her, for C's B'day, but she failed to turn up, her mobi was dead to the world, as was she.
It was Clarified, 3 day's later, Sunday was the Memorial date for her Grandmothers funeral, we had no idea, but, it still hurt, for 3 day's I was unable to contact my best friend, and I was so worried, in the past anybody cut me off, was purely because peeps had had a teddy in the corner, but this timer was oh so wrong, was because she needed some time, nothing more, it hurt so much because I do love her, made even worse because of it being such a hormonal affair?
Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
It has been one of those weeks, to cap it all off, GF needs some time, none of us had any idea, we were waiting for her, for C's B'day, but she failed to turn up, her mobi was dead to the world, as was she.
It was Clarified, 3 day's later, Sunday was the Memorial date for her Grandmothers funeral, we had no idea, but, it still hurt, for 3 day's I was unable to contact my best friend, and I was so worried, in the past anybody cut me off, was purely because peeps had had a teddy in the corner, but this timer was oh so wrong, was because she needed some time, nothing more, it hurt so much because I do love her, made even worse because of it being such a hormonal affair?
Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Monday 20 August 2012
21-08-2012
Is beginning to more be and more difficult for GF and me, her boy's have realised there is something more than just friendship between us, have given her hell, because, as per normal, they think C is fantastic, all I wanted to do yesterday was just hold A, but J was there, so I couldn't. This is all oh so complicated, we have promised ourself's that we won't go that final step, but god, as I said I just want to hold her at times, I know I hold J all the time, but the love with A, may be just as strong, but is oh so different, might it be that, the love with J started out as Hetero, while part of me remained 'Him', there was alway's that for us, but now, as I become even more Girly, my needs and desires are oh so more Girly too? But, there is no way I want to end things between us, I love J and C oh so completely. What am I going to do.
Most would think, that as I become disatiesfied with guy's, and return to the initial object of my desires, women, I am just flitting back and forth, I wish was oh so simple, I mean, even after all this time, I only just learn the lesbian side of love, and obviousely Sex. Why is it we have the incapacity to understand the openness of non-hetero sex, I know all about the penetrative side of Sex, normal boring hetero style sex, then the openess, relaxed side to lesbian sex, oh god, if male could reach that level of openess, relaxness of Lesbian, would be oh a oh so better relaxed world, I can't say anything about Gay sex, as have never experienced that, never been with a guy, in a gay relationship, have only ever been with a guy, in a standard man/woman thing, I know it may be difficult for so many out there to realise, but then, who said transitioning was easy?
Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Is beginning to more be and more difficult for GF and me, her boy's have realised there is something more than just friendship between us, have given her hell, because, as per normal, they think C is fantastic, all I wanted to do yesterday was just hold A, but J was there, so I couldn't. This is all oh so complicated, we have promised ourself's that we won't go that final step, but god, as I said I just want to hold her at times, I know I hold J all the time, but the love with A, may be just as strong, but is oh so different, might it be that, the love with J started out as Hetero, while part of me remained 'Him', there was alway's that for us, but now, as I become even more Girly, my needs and desires are oh so more Girly too? But, there is no way I want to end things between us, I love J and C oh so completely. What am I going to do.
Most would think, that as I become disatiesfied with guy's, and return to the initial object of my desires, women, I am just flitting back and forth, I wish was oh so simple, I mean, even after all this time, I only just learn the lesbian side of love, and obviousely Sex. Why is it we have the incapacity to understand the openness of non-hetero sex, I know all about the penetrative side of Sex, normal boring hetero style sex, then the openess, relaxed side to lesbian sex, oh god, if male could reach that level of openess, relaxness of Lesbian, would be oh a oh so better relaxed world, I can't say anything about Gay sex, as have never experienced that, never been with a guy, in a gay relationship, have only ever been with a guy, in a standard man/woman thing, I know it may be difficult for so many out there to realise, but then, who said transitioning was easy?
Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Sunday 19 August 2012
19-08-2012
Well, has been a fantastic weekend, had my fathers 70th B'day party to attend, then, at last moment, realise, his sisters family aren't aware of Amanda. So 7 day's before party, panicked phone to cousin, to ask her to let family know, her response, well am not surprised, she had had seen pictures of me on line before? but she informs rest of family, so that on the day, of the party, they are fully aware, things go well with them.
Next big thing, was Brother, we never realy got on, in the past, as teh saying goes, you can choose your friends, not your family? Anyway, he and his Partner, and guess what, everything went cushty, they were ok, we actualy spoke, for a change, with our mouths, not our fists?
Thinga with the GF are interesting, she's coming into her prime, as it were, but, with her maturity comes freedom, freedom and self confidence, with her self confidence about coming out as being Bi, has opened up her coming into her prime, so as her need for sex hightens, she can't just walk out of her front door, and get a willing partisipant, or can she.
Not a lot of people know this, but with the advent of Information Technology, as has the advent of the new sexual revolition, there are plenty of places to go to, legaly, for your legal desires, be they straight, lesbian, gay, trans or just plain greedy, as long as you respect other people and respect when they say no, you can be surprised by peoples attitudes.
So have only got to find time, to get to such a place in Barking, admittedly there is a local just around the corner, but that is mainly for gay and trans, and not a woman, even though a couple of women do go?
So now just got to set a day, convenient for both of us? No, not for me, but for A, as she's a tad nervouse about the idea.
Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Well, has been a fantastic weekend, had my fathers 70th B'day party to attend, then, at last moment, realise, his sisters family aren't aware of Amanda. So 7 day's before party, panicked phone to cousin, to ask her to let family know, her response, well am not surprised, she had had seen pictures of me on line before? but she informs rest of family, so that on the day, of the party, they are fully aware, things go well with them.
Thinga with the GF are interesting, she's coming into her prime, as it were, but, with her maturity comes freedom, freedom and self confidence, with her self confidence about coming out as being Bi, has opened up her coming into her prime, so as her need for sex hightens, she can't just walk out of her front door, and get a willing partisipant, or can she.
Not a lot of people know this, but with the advent of Information Technology, as has the advent of the new sexual revolition, there are plenty of places to go to, legaly, for your legal desires, be they straight, lesbian, gay, trans or just plain greedy, as long as you respect other people and respect when they say no, you can be surprised by peoples attitudes.
So have only got to find time, to get to such a place in Barking, admittedly there is a local just around the corner, but that is mainly for gay and trans, and not a woman, even though a couple of women do go?
So now just got to set a day, convenient for both of us? No, not for me, but for A, as she's a tad nervouse about the idea.
Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Saturday 11 August 2012
11-08-2012
Has been an awesome couple of weeks, and also Major Bad news for the guy's out there, after sexy old me, not interested, have discovered by 'New' Sexuality that was alway's there, realy, only interested in the 'Fairer sex now, and it was oh so unbelievable, when I discovered it.
Have a mate, that is all she is, as we have both admitted, that if we were to more, again, could oh so ruin things between the four of us, me, J, C, and friend, as things between us, are oh so Fantastic. Have taken advice from other J, and joined Ginger Beer, hope they accept me on there, as my experince, with Lesbians in the past hasn't been too good, have received shed loads of abuse, online, when they realise am trans, but hey, was on a trans site anyway?
Things can be oh so difficult with A, as we both want, need the lesbian sex again, but we have to settle for a kiss, and nothing more. Am slowly gettiing J interested in the lesbian side of things, hey, she shouldn't complain, she'll stilll get her multiples again. She is just scared, that, with the lesbian sex, being as intense as it can be, that there could be movement from my genitalia, increasing testosterone again. But she's noticed my testes, how much smaller, softer they are, and so don't think, want any action from them again. So don't want or need, any need to return to return to that Man ever again, am oh so enjoying my life as a woman, and can look back, with pride, and that right fantastic decision I made, with the support of J, to transition. If she had made the same decision, as so many female partners of transgendered, to leave, I so doubt I could have handled all this.
One of the biggest steps I made, was obviousely Cav Mem, as I said before, I was oh so shitting myself, but as SS asked, why, if he could handle being the first black lad in the regiment, why should I be worried, about being the only Trans, in the RDG family.QS. Obviouosely there will be the odd comments, but hey, we're human, we're all different, Thank God.
Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Has been an awesome couple of weeks, and also Major Bad news for the guy's out there, after sexy old me, not interested, have discovered by 'New' Sexuality that was alway's there, realy, only interested in the 'Fairer sex now, and it was oh so unbelievable, when I discovered it.
Have a mate, that is all she is, as we have both admitted, that if we were to more, again, could oh so ruin things between the four of us, me, J, C, and friend, as things between us, are oh so Fantastic. Have taken advice from other J, and joined Ginger Beer, hope they accept me on there, as my experince, with Lesbians in the past hasn't been too good, have received shed loads of abuse, online, when they realise am trans, but hey, was on a trans site anyway?
Things can be oh so difficult with A, as we both want, need the lesbian sex again, but we have to settle for a kiss, and nothing more. Am slowly gettiing J interested in the lesbian side of things, hey, she shouldn't complain, she'll stilll get her multiples again. She is just scared, that, with the lesbian sex, being as intense as it can be, that there could be movement from my genitalia, increasing testosterone again. But she's noticed my testes, how much smaller, softer they are, and so don't think, want any action from them again. So don't want or need, any need to return to return to that Man ever again, am oh so enjoying my life as a woman, and can look back, with pride, and that right fantastic decision I made, with the support of J, to transition. If she had made the same decision, as so many female partners of transgendered, to leave, I so doubt I could have handled all this.
One of the biggest steps I made, was obviousely Cav Mem, as I said before, I was oh so shitting myself, but as SS asked, why, if he could handle being the first black lad in the regiment, why should I be worried, about being the only Trans, in the RDG family.QS. Obviouosely there will be the odd comments, but hey, we're human, we're all different, Thank God.
Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Wednesday 1 August 2012
02-08-2012
Been a period of weird dreams again, was a bit busy yesterday, so was never able to put dream down from 31/07, anyway Regiment again, was out Sking again, was looking for a girl, a Nima Naebi, weird thing is, neveer knew her on the slopes, she was the Afghani woman I knew in Paderborn, thats ok past histories, however last night was in no way histories, was fantasising, pure and simple, was helping out on the Maclaren F1 team, then things started happening with Jensen, OK me and J have joked about him being the rarety in Somerset, in that he's sexy???? Decapeptil effects are having a positive effect, boobies have definitely grown again, in other words, don't need a bra with certain tops, may only be Fried Eggs, as most women call them, but they are there, but sensitivity is only in certain moments, worst part is, those moments aren't with J, they are with another woman, but not in hetero sense but in Lesbian sense, this woman thinks that J may be attracted to her, hope so, then she can discover her lesbian side, that would be oh so unbelievable, as I said the her the other day, never know, maybe we could have a 3some, and forget what all guy's say, lesbian is oh so muche WOOOW, it can be as fast as you need it, or as slow, even just sitting on a sofa, and having a cuddle is oh so much more than with a guy?
Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Been a period of weird dreams again, was a bit busy yesterday, so was never able to put dream down from 31/07, anyway Regiment again, was out Sking again, was looking for a girl, a Nima Naebi, weird thing is, neveer knew her on the slopes, she was the Afghani woman I knew in Paderborn, thats ok past histories, however last night was in no way histories, was fantasising, pure and simple, was helping out on the Maclaren F1 team, then things started happening with Jensen, OK me and J have joked about him being the rarety in Somerset, in that he's sexy???? Decapeptil effects are having a positive effect, boobies have definitely grown again, in other words, don't need a bra with certain tops, may only be Fried Eggs, as most women call them, but they are there, but sensitivity is only in certain moments, worst part is, those moments aren't with J, they are with another woman, but not in hetero sense but in Lesbian sense, this woman thinks that J may be attracted to her, hope so, then she can discover her lesbian side, that would be oh so unbelievable, as I said the her the other day, never know, maybe we could have a 3some, and forget what all guy's say, lesbian is oh so muche WOOOW, it can be as fast as you need it, or as slow, even just sitting on a sofa, and having a cuddle is oh so much more than with a guy?
Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
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