30-09-2014
I guess we are over, 4 day's since I hear from him, he sent a text last night, saying I had texted at an inopportune moment 4 messages over 4 day's, he say's I texted at an inopp0rtune moment, blaming me for his ignorance's. OK, so I was wrong for thinking that he is not your typical bloke, that maybe he was a complete Gent, maybe I was wrong, maybe I should know better. Worst part is, he had actually said he loved me, or was it that I was in love with the idea of a Man loving me, for me, but then, men are men?
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Tuesday 30 September 2014
Sunday 28 September 2014
28-09-2014
Things are going oh so crazy for me at the moment, confusion being lesbian, or am I in fact hetero, is easy for those that had decided pre-op, but Post, with a testosterone free body, the animal mating instincts are gone, am looking purely at emotion's, hence why so difficult with Neale, he has his wife to consider. Anyone that thinks that am stealing a man of his woman, if they really knew me, and not just read it on here for cheaps, would know the full situation, hence the confusion. But God do I love him, is a completely different sensation to what I felt before. I know he reads this too, so he knows when am lying to him or on here, but then he also knows am alway's honest with him, completely, hence why can only assume he is honest with me. So, when I say I love him, I do. He finally said he loves me too, oh god it felt so good, to know, that the one guy, that I get involved with, isn't there just for the physical, was willing to wait, even though my body is saying something different, to what I was expecting?
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Things are going oh so crazy for me at the moment, confusion being lesbian, or am I in fact hetero, is easy for those that had decided pre-op, but Post, with a testosterone free body, the animal mating instincts are gone, am looking purely at emotion's, hence why so difficult with Neale, he has his wife to consider. Anyone that thinks that am stealing a man of his woman, if they really knew me, and not just read it on here for cheaps, would know the full situation, hence the confusion. But God do I love him, is a completely different sensation to what I felt before. I know he reads this too, so he knows when am lying to him or on here, but then he also knows am alway's honest with him, completely, hence why can only assume he is honest with me. So, when I say I love him, I do. He finally said he loves me too, oh god it felt so good, to know, that the one guy, that I get involved with, isn't there just for the physical, was willing to wait, even though my body is saying something different, to what I was expecting?
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Wednesday 24 September 2014
24-09-2014
Just had another lunch date with Neale, is oh so horrible having a date in the City, oh so etiquette to be followed, stopping us from just kissing, hate it. But some time soon, he's taking me to Brighton, for the day, so ..
Simone had her first date today, she's not getting her op till April, but hey, she's getting it.
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Just had another lunch date with Neale, is oh so horrible having a date in the City, oh so etiquette to be followed, stopping us from just kissing, hate it. But some time soon, he's taking me to Brighton, for the day, so ..
Simone had her first date today, she's not getting her op till April, but hey, she's getting it.
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Tuesday 23 September 2014
23-09-2014
Was a screwed up day yesterday, had to get overland back over to Hammersmith. Idiot ticket inspectors at Blackhorse, had just swiped in, they demand to check ticket, they then go on about getting me fined again, for using foul language, because I told them to 'Shut Up and Go Away' went to complain to station manager, she refused to listen to me, claimed I cause problems every time I go through there, idiot ticket inspector, repeatedly refers to me, as a 'Him', station manager refuses to take action against him, refuses to give me her name, also not wearing any ID.
After what I had to do in Hammersmith, go back to parents, sort stuff at their's, grab a drink at the Pub, then grab bus back to Chingford. Grabbed a 9, to Trafalgar to grab a 29, get chatting to CA, Dee, had a laugh with her, find out why not seen Sarah for ages, she's left.
Get back to Janes, chilled for rest of day, that evening get to chat to Neale again, I get confused, sounds like he's saying we're over, oh god hope not, but then he is under oh so much pressure. Can't really chat to him today, because of wife, but so can't wait to see him tomorrow, but, won't even be able to hold him, hug him and kiss like I so want to .
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Was a screwed up day yesterday, had to get overland back over to Hammersmith. Idiot ticket inspectors at Blackhorse, had just swiped in, they demand to check ticket, they then go on about getting me fined again, for using foul language, because I told them to 'Shut Up and Go Away' went to complain to station manager, she refused to listen to me, claimed I cause problems every time I go through there, idiot ticket inspector, repeatedly refers to me, as a 'Him', station manager refuses to take action against him, refuses to give me her name, also not wearing any ID.
After what I had to do in Hammersmith, go back to parents, sort stuff at their's, grab a drink at the Pub, then grab bus back to Chingford. Grabbed a 9, to Trafalgar to grab a 29, get chatting to CA, Dee, had a laugh with her, find out why not seen Sarah for ages, she's left.
Get back to Janes, chilled for rest of day, that evening get to chat to Neale again, I get confused, sounds like he's saying we're over, oh god hope not, but then he is under oh so much pressure. Can't really chat to him today, because of wife, but so can't wait to see him tomorrow, but, won't even be able to hold him, hug him and kiss like I so want to .
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Saturday 20 September 2014
20-09-2014
Has been an interesting day, SC Paderborn 07 are top of the Bundesliga. Was out shopping at Aldi in Tottenham, had a laugh with a shelf filler, was I imagining, or was I get flickers on my Gaydar? Go down to the till, as soon as till operator see's me, she say's am looking very pretty this week, made me feel oh so good, and she looked pretty damn good too, N has been busy with Train Things, so not been chatting with him.
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Has been an interesting day, SC Paderborn 07 are top of the Bundesliga. Was out shopping at Aldi in Tottenham, had a laugh with a shelf filler, was I imagining, or was I get flickers on my Gaydar? Go down to the till, as soon as till operator see's me, she say's am looking very pretty this week, made me feel oh so good, and she looked pretty damn good too, N has been busy with Train Things, so not been chatting with him.
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Thursday 18 September 2014
18-09-2014
Things seem to be getting even more complicated, it appears I have inadvertently upset N, by mentioning his wife, and her situation. He is fully aware, that's the last thing I would ever want to do, is oh so difficult for him, and oh so don't want to make things even harder for him, but am oh so desperate, for him to make things hard for me??? I still can't believe how I feel about him, I have alway's thought would be a lesbian, have never thought of men in that respect, but I guess I have changed my sex as well as my gender, is oh so complicated, wish I could get help?
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Things seem to be getting even more complicated, it appears I have inadvertently upset N, by mentioning his wife, and her situation. He is fully aware, that's the last thing I would ever want to do, is oh so difficult for him, and oh so don't want to make things even harder for him, but am oh so desperate, for him to make things hard for me??? I still can't believe how I feel about him, I have alway's thought would be a lesbian, have never thought of men in that respect, but I guess I have changed my sex as well as my gender, is oh so complicated, wish I could get help?
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Friday 12 September 2014
13-09-2014
Was with N again yesterday, was oh so good to see him, made it damn clear that I can't wait, want him oh so much, need him to F me, oh god yes making love would be a bonus, but just oh so want him. Men don't understand all this, sex is just sex to them, they see no difference between making love and fucking, but, we need them, to slide that hard couple of inches in, of course, I know am supposed to prefer women, but.....................
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Was with N again yesterday, was oh so good to see him, made it damn clear that I can't wait, want him oh so much, need him to F me, oh god yes making love would be a bonus, but just oh so want him. Men don't understand all this, sex is just sex to them, they see no difference between making love and fucking, but, we need them, to slide that hard couple of inches in, of course, I know am supposed to prefer women, but.....................
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Thursday 4 September 2014
04-09-2014
OK, so it is those things that Men the world over have no idea about, emotions, hormones, the whole female package, I am even more confused in that I don't want to lose J, or C. But at the same time, I want, need N, I know I should be unable to take him till March, December at the earliest, but if I don't, I will lose him, I know I shouldn't, but I do love him. But, this love is different, I never felt this for Jane, I still don't, but then that's probably because she is there all the time, and he isn't, but god I wish he was.
Even if we don't make love, I want to spend the night with him, to lie next to him.
Brilliant, he was in touch this afternoon, everything sorted, he had had a bit of a downer, stress and everything, but he's OKish now
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
OK, so it is those things that Men the world over have no idea about, emotions, hormones, the whole female package, I am even more confused in that I don't want to lose J, or C. But at the same time, I want, need N, I know I should be unable to take him till March, December at the earliest, but if I don't, I will lose him, I know I shouldn't, but I do love him. But, this love is different, I never felt this for Jane, I still don't, but then that's probably because she is there all the time, and he isn't, but god I wish he was.
Even if we don't make love, I want to spend the night with him, to lie next to him.
Brilliant, he was in touch this afternoon, everything sorted, he had had a bit of a downer, stress and everything, but he's OKish now
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Monday 1 September 2014
01-09-2014
What the hell am I doing wrong, am away a week, try to stay in contact with lover boy, while I was away, but is as if he is totaly disinterested in me, I have tried to contact him, but he refuses any contact. Please, WHAT AM I DOING WRONG???
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
What the hell am I doing wrong, am away a week, try to stay in contact with lover boy, while I was away, but is as if he is totaly disinterested in me, I have tried to contact him, but he refuses any contact. Please, WHAT AM I DOING WRONG???
WARNING: Any institution or person using this site or any of its associated sites for study or projects - You do not have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current or future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
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