17-11-2016

Damn, am getting oh so confused, body is sending oh so many different signal's out, hormonal would be the only way to describe them, but?

I get no pleasure from anything, yes, can feel them penetrating me,but no pleasure, is oh so long since I have had received any pleasure, oh god yes, can give pleasure, but not receive any, am going slowly mad

Isn't funny,  am unable to receive any pleasure, self or imposed, but can give, oh god yes, can give? Will I end up going Mad, J doesn't seem to understand what it is doing to me, I oh so need to experiment, to investigate myself? But, she is unwilling to play with me, unwilling to allow me to give her pleasure?
Yes I do love her, emotionally, but the physical side is oh so different,  can pleasure her, anybody, but is oh so impossible for me to receive any, CX has shut the door on me, blame me for what they caused, is as if they shut the door on me, after the moment they told that I could get my surgery, but not at Charing Cross, at that private hospital, even they have shut the door on me, do I have a sign on my head, that only other professional's can see, yes generally, am an out going person, before now, nothing got me down, but now, am oh so scared?








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